梅利莎·内维利斯/MelissaNevels
ThesurIturnedfourteenwewere,yotherandI,livgCorpChristi,Texas.WerehislittleapartntonNorthBeachJune1981.Jtafewdaysafterweoved,ItthisgirlnadGawholivedwithsopeopleahoebehd.Isay“people,”becaetheyweretosostuffIhadverylittleknowledgeof,yheyoasionallyhadaJaaiguestwhowoulde,stayafewdays,thenleave.IrealizedsoyearsterthesignificeoftheJaaivisitor.Ididn’tknowuchaboutthesepeopleGalivedwith,anddidn’tgettoknowthetoowell.Therewerealwaysalotofadultsthathungaround,buttheyuallywerethefrontpartofthehoewheretheicwas,atoourowertant.
Galivedwiththesepeoplebecae,Iguessyouuldsay,shewasholess,asense,shewasaboutayearandahalfyouhan.Verypretty,beautifulsile,prettyblondehairandbiggreeneyes.Butatthirteen,sheknewfaroreaboutthestreetsthansheshouldhave.Shedidn’tknowwhoherfatherwas,aherwasadrunk.Shehadanoldersisterwhowasarriedtoaanthenavy,andlivedectiobodywantedGa,except.Ilovedherlikeasister.
Inthebegng,webristledateachotherontheschoolb.Gawasatoughkid,andIguessasadefenseis,sheatonthattough-kidarorwhennecessary.Afteraweekorsoofschool,westartedtalkg.Andsceshewastheonlykidtheareayage,wereallykdoffelltogether.Myfolksweredivorcedandbarelyspokeuheyhadto.I’djtoved600ilesfrotheonlyhoI’deverknownMississippiandIwashosick,andshehadnorealho.Oncewerealizedwebothhadwoundstolick,itclicked,andwebecaseparable.Shewasagradebeh,sowehadnocssestogether.Butassoonaswe’dboardtheschoolbtheafternoonuntilitwastiforbed,weweretogether.
Welivedonthebeach.Itwasafive-utewalkfrowherewelived,jtaattertheroad.Ifitwaswar,I’dgetoffthebandhurriedlydoychoresthathadtobefishedbeforeyogothofrowork.Thenquicklygettoybathgsuit.We’detupwithourtowelsandsokesandheadforthesand.I’djtstartedsokgwhenItGa.Shesoked,notsurprisgly,andwhenIwaswithher,Ididn’tthkaboutwhatyowoulddoifshefoundout.Inaway,IguessIwaoeuteherfreespirit.Itwasn’tyearsterthatIrealizedthetensesadnessshethavefelt.
Aboutidwaytotheschoolyear,Ga’ssisteraskedhertoeandlivewiththeecticut.Ineveruoodwhyittookhersolongtoask.SheknewGa’scircesandwhereshewaslivg.Ga’sostayeddrunkalltheti,andIthktheyhadabigfailgout,andGaleftho.That’swhenshecatolivebehd.Herodidn’twanther,atleastthat’swhatGasaid.
SoGaleft.Iwasheartbroken.Butatthesati,Iwassohappythatshewasgogtobewithhersister.Ithoughtthatifshewaswithfaily,she’dbeOK.Wewroteeachotherlettersatleasticeaweek,butfouronthstershecaback.IgotseveralstoriesfroGaastowhyitdidn’twork-out.Ihaveyowntheories.
Tiwenton,theschoolyearwasgtoaclose,andy15thbirthdaywasjtaroundtherner.MyoandIovedtoTaft.Gastayedbehdwithyetanotherpersonsowhererp,butwewroteletters,atouch.Taftwasonly18ilesaway.Afterwewerethereabout6onths,Gawasagawithoutapcetolive,andthenunswerelookgforsobodytotakehersoshewouldn’tbepcedafosterho.ThestoryIgotisGastartedhavgathgwiththedy’s(thatshelivedwith)19-year-oldson.Gawasjtfourteenattheti,andsheaskedGatoove.Actually,shesawthisguyoffandonforawhile.Gawasloose.Shewasdesperatelylookgforsobodytolovehertheonlywaysheknewhow.Anditsther.
Sowebecaherfosterfaily,ofsorts.Iwasworried.MyoandIwerelivgsoskipilyasitwas.Webarelyhadoopaythebills,andaupleoftiswehadourelectricityturnedofffornonpaynt.Iwasworriedabouthavganotherpersontofeed.ButIlovedher,andyofeltsorryforher.SheuldseealittleofherselfGatoo.Wehadsouchfuhsoonhadsteadydates,andwewentouttogethereveryweekend.Weevenpyedhookytogether,evengotcaughtodetentionforawholeday,andweissedhavgourschoolpicturestakenthatday.Intheschoolyearbook,forthatyear,whereypictureshouldbe,there’salittlecharacteranwithabarrelaroundhisiddleandasignonitthatsays:“photonotavaible.”Actually,IbelieveitwasoneofthefactorsthatstartedthebegngoftheendtoGa’sstaywith.Ithkyowasafraidshe’d“ruboffon”.I’aonowandIbetteruand.
Gawaswild,andyou’tcageawildanialforlong.Shewaswithabouteightonths.Ireberitwasteraga.Moneywastight,andfoodwasscarce.Galikedthewildlife.Myodidn’tallowthetypeoflife,forateenagegirl,thatshewasedto.SoGacalledsooneelsesheknew,andadearrastoleave.
Ireberthenightsheleft.ItwasthesttiIeversawher.We’dsharedarooforsoanyonths,anditwassoeptyaftersheleft.Iissedherterribly.Ireberherputtgherstufftothebackofawhitecar.I’llneverfetwatchghershuttheliddown,andturngtowithasileandsayg,“Well,thisisit,Iguess.”Ireplied“Yeah...youtakecareofyourself.Don’tdrkandsoketoouch.”Weughedandhugged.Shesaid,“Speakforyourself!”Thenwecried.She’dbeenybestfriendforthebetterpartofoyearsandIknew,sothgsidekhatIwouldneverseeheraga.
Ididn’tgetaersthisti.Jtonefrothepceshewenttofroours.Thenaboutoyearster,Igotaletterfroher,andshewasMissouri.She’dhadababy,byaarriedan.“Butheloves,”shewrote.Ifeltverysad,andwonderedifshe’deverreallyfdwhatshesodesperatelywanted.Orwhatshethoughtshewanted,butnotnecessarilywhatsheneeded.
Ineverheardfra,aftertheseer.Iwroteback,butnevergotarespoothisdayIdon’tknowwhathappeoher,ifshe’salive,orwheresheis.Whensheleft,shetookpartofwithher.Webecalikes,andwhenshewasgone,IfeltlikeI’dlostsothgside.Sothgdeep,spirit-like.Shewassofulloflife,anddidn’tdwellonhersituation,atleastnotouardly.Andwewereclose,wesharedeverythg.
Istillthkofheroften,afteralltheseyears.Twoyounggirlsreachgwoanhoodondifferentpaths.Yeteachpathfailiartotheother.Shestillhastheabilitytoakesile,andappreciateallthatIhaveandallthatIa.
在我14岁的那年夏天，母亲带着我住在得克萨斯州的科珀斯克里斯蒂港。1981年6月，我们在北海滩租下了这套小公寓。搬进去没几天，我遇到了一个叫金纳的女孩，她与其他一些人住在我家公寓后面的房子里。我之所以称那些人为“其他人”，是因为天真的我对他们的了解少得可怜。有时候，一些牙买加人会去拜访那些人，他们在那所房子里住几天，然后就离开了。几年后，我才了解了牙买加人的重要地位。对于与金纳一起住的人，我了解得不太多，后来也没有兴趣去了解。许多成年人经常会聚在那所房子的附近，不过他们只是在那所房子门外的前面，那里有音乐，我们这些孩子则自由地玩耍。
金纳比我小一岁半，我想，人们会说，她是因为在某种意义上无家可归，才与这些人住在一起的。金纳是一个长相漂亮的女孩，有着美丽的笑容、漂亮的金发和蓝色的眼睛。虽然才13岁，可是她对街道的熟悉程度已经超出了同龄孩子。金纳不知道她的父亲是谁，她的妈妈是一个酒鬼。金纳有一个姐姐住在康涅狄格州，姐姐的丈夫是一个海员。除了我，没有人要金纳，我就像对待妹妹一样爱护着金纳。
起初，在学校的公车上，我与金纳总是怒目而视。金纳是一个性格强硬的孩子，必要的时候总是摆出一副凶恶小孩的架势，我想这是她采取的一种自我保护。在学校里过了一周多，我们开始说话了。因为在住的地方，只有我们两个孩子年纪相仿，于是很快就变得形影不离了。我的父母离婚了，除非有什么非谈不可的事情外，他们两个从来不说话。金纳没有一个真正的家，而我只是从600公里以外的密西西比的家搬到了现在的这个地方，不过我想念以前的家。当意识到我们两个人有着同样的伤痛时，我和金纳走到一起，成了无法分开的朋友。我和金纳不在一个班级上课，她比我低一个年级，然而从下午放学坐上学校公车直到晚上上床睡觉前的这段时间，我们都在一起。